I tell myself this every day

I tell myself this every day

Friday, May 17, 2013

Dawn of the Brain Dead

My manic states have been pretty intense recently. I couldn't figure out why my meds and dedication weren't working.

I fucking love the stuff.

Coffee coffee coffee coffee. I like to have a cup in the morning and I wash that down with another cup, then I'll grab a cup after my workout and then it's off to Starbucks!!!!!

There is a link between caffeine and mania in bipolar.


I've been having some stage of mania almost every day. It doesn't last long because I don't live in a manic state anymore- I can recognize it. The mania drops to anger or depression so fast I don't have time to save myself or prevent it. Days have been lost in emotional turmoil. Almost two weeks of ups and downs. My boyfriend has been understanding and he always fights on my side but it's almost impossible at times. He knows I love him and he just wants to see me get better. He wants to comfort me and let me know that he's waiting for me to come back to him.

It's like trying to hug a charging velociraptor with laser eyes. It's not happening.

So today is day one of no coffee. I feel great but sleepy. I took my adderal this morning- it's done nothing. I feel like the scene of a zombie movie where they write in giant letters "ALIVE INSIDE" to alert the living. I should write that on my face. I swear there's life in here.

Sane, intelligent, not episode having life.

I'm back to being me but the compromise is I can't leave the comfort of the living room chaise.

I should be in class...... but chaise.....
I need to do the dishes........ but chaaaaaaise.....
I need to go take photos.....but.......chaaaaaaaaaaaise.......

I am sane. I am one with the chaise.

This is my fortress of non-bipolar solitude and your night in shining adderal can't get through my defenses......

I wish I still had Skyrim

UPDATE: I found out why everything was going so poorly. Also- my bf got me Skyrim

No comments:

Post a Comment